The Secret Life of the Akatsuki Based on an RP
by Sinfalcon
Summary: What REALLY goes on in the Akatsuki lair? Murder, mysteries, and accidental romance all seem to happen on a daily basis. The Akatsuki are only human after all. Really funny, guaranteed to make you laugh!
1. Chapter 1

"Get _up_, Amaterasu-san."

Uchiha Itachi bent over the sleeping form of Amaterasu Tsukumi, the Akatsuki's newest member. She simply grunted and rolled over, clinging to her pillow. "Hn.." he sighed. This task was pretty high up on his annoying list. Amaterasu _never_ seemed to get up when she was needed.

"Get up," he said again in a low and menacing voice. He was sorely tempted to poke her very hard in the back as she slept on.

She grumbled. She was having such a wonderful dream. It was summer, the flowers were in bloom, the sky way a soft, clear blue, and the river was so cool and refreshing. The only problem was that for some reason a weasel kept blindly running throughout the grass, attacking her feet. She growled and swiped at the weasel in her dream, consequentially smacking Itatchi-sama in the head with her stuffed bunny.

**"Tae tha...y'blinn...whesel..."**

She mumbled. She rolled over again, burying her face into her comforter. She felt like she hadn't slept in ages. All these training missions were wearing her out.

Itachi stared, stunned for a moment. He had been simultaneously attacked by a plushie and called a "blind weasel" by a person he was none too happy with at the moment. _That's it,_ he thought. He ripped the comforter off of Amaterasu and tipped the bed so that she landed on the floor in a heap.

Amaterasu's eyes flew open as she felt the comforter being ripped off of her. She hopped off the bed as Itatchi tipped it and glowered at him.

**"Of course..."** She grumbled. Why did it have to be him of all people? **"Whaddaya want? I'm sleeping."****  
**  
She pushed her bed back to its rightful place and picked up her comforter. **"If it's another mission, forget it. I'm tired."**

"Of course it's another mission. Do you think I'm in here for my own health?" He gestured at the mess of tangled clothes and random papers that littered the floor. "But it's not another training mission. Believe me."

Ammy grumbled and crawled back into her bed, pulling the covers over her head. **"Well you shouldn't be intruding in a woman's room anyways. It's rude and perverted."** She snorted softly. Not a training mission, yeah right. **"I don't care. Go away."**She waved her hand in the direction of the door. **"I need at least three hours of sleep a night in order to function. Now get."**She closed her eyes, already starting to drift back to sleep.

Itachi tipped the bed again and this time held it vertically. "I've been ordered to brief you on the mission immediately so that you can prepare. Listen to me and I might let you go back to sleep. If not, I can make it so you'll never want to sleep again." His eyes glinted scarlet as he activated his Sharingan. "Now quit being such a nuisance and do as you're told."

Amaterasu shrieked as she tumbled onto the floor.  
**"Meanie."** She mumbled as she stuck her tongue out at him.  
She flung her pillow at him and disentangled herself from the comforter. She got up and adjusted her pajama top. All the tumbling had caused it to begin riding up on her.  
"You've got about thirty seconds before I pass out from exhaustion and hit my head on the floor possibly sending myself into a coma from which I might never awaken."

She crossed her arms, obviously irritated. **"Start talkin' blindey."**

Itachi caught the pillow that was flung at him moments before it would have hit him in the face. He put the bed down and sat on it, trying to brush off the 'blind' insult. He took a deep breath before launching into an explanation.

"Leader-sama has chosen you to accompany me on an information-gathering mission. Whether I like it or not, you are the only Akatsuki otherwise unoccupied, besides Kisame, and he's no good for stealth missions; his style is too distinctive. We leave at midnight. I suggest that you become completely comfortable with using and holding a transformation. Your life will depend on it." He got up. "Although I suppose your kekkei-genkai will help."

Ammy rolled her eyes scowling.  
**"Great. Just what I wanted. A night on the towns alone with Itatchi-sama. Now all my dreams have come true and I will be the envy of ever girl under the sun."** She scoffed and leaned against her wall. **"****Can I go back to sleep now? If I'm to pull an all-nighter I need to sleep now."****  
**  
She lay down on the bed anyways, crawling under the covers. She didn't care if he left or not anymore, she just wanted to sleep. She'd been having a good dream for once and now he'd ruined it. Stupid, blind, family-killing jerkwad.

Opening one eye, a voice groaned as it sat its upper body up. Deidara put his hair up in the usual half up, half down ponytail. He yawned a bit, just getting up. Usually he's the last one to wake up. He rubbed his eye and swung his leg around to the side of the bed. He stood up and walked over towards his cloak. He put it on and walked out of his room. He then perked up a little after hearing a couple of noises. He knocked on the door slightly and opened it. **"Hello Amaterasu-"** he stopped short and looked at Itachi. A devilish grin came upon his face.**"So...is something wrong?"** he asked.

Amaterasu had already fallen asleep and didn't hear Deidara come into her room. She muttered as she slept complaining about something.  
**"Shoopid whesel...shooo...Ishleepin.."**  
She rolled over, her semi-psychotic rant now muffled by her pillow. It was a miracle she didn't suffocate herself each night. She usually woke up under all her pillows and her blanket.

"I don't think I need any help briefing her on her mission, Deidara-san." He glared his patented Uchiha glare. "If I am in need of your, expertise, I'll be sure to let you know." He walked past Deidara before asking, "What are you doing barging into Amaterasu-san's room anyway?"

Deidara just stared at her. _'Weasel? Him? un?'_ He was about to laugh, until Itachi hit him with his comment and then a question. **"What am I doing?"** he glared back at him, **"I was just saying 'hey'. Yeah?"** he said with a small pout. _'How does he act that way!?'_ Deidara said in his head. He then followed him out Amaterasu's room.

Itachi followed a long hallway to the living room, painfully aware of Deidara following closely behind. _I don't know which one ticks me off more-Amaterasu or Deidara,_ he thought to himself. He sat down on an overstuffed sofa and turned on the TV to watch the news.

Deidara watched as Itachi sat down. He huff, "Well that's really no fun, un." He said as he smirked. He then sat down in another chair just to tick Itachi off.

Amaterasu stumbled into the living room, glaring. Her hair was bushed and pulled back into a ponytail, her favorite celestial themed hairpin wrapped in the ponytail. She was fully dressed, her cloak tightly closed. She didn't like wearing her normal clothes around her fellow Akatsuki members. Since most of them were male, her clothes attracted unwanted attention.

**"You...are...dead..."** She grumbled as she shuffled past Itatchi. She couldn't get back to sleep. An annoying weasel kept popping up whenever her dreams got good.

**"Food....Need...Sustenance...."** She headed to the kitchen and hoped and prayed that Kisame wasn't in there. She didn't need her appetite ruined too.

Itachi barely blinked as Amaterasu walked past him, muttering death threats. He was far too used to her behavior for it to affect him anymore. He rolled his eyes and looked toward the kitchen. His real concern was whether she would trip and fall in her current state and possibly jeopardize the whole mission. He sighed and looked over at Deidara, who was perched cockily in the nearest chair. "What do you _want_?" he snapped at Deidara, thoroughly pissed off now.

Amaterasu grumbled as she put two slices of bread in the toaster and got out a jar of peanut butter. Toast always cheered her up. She carefully took the toast out and decided she'd better practice her kekkei genkai. She focused her chakra into her right index finger and shaped into a butter knife. She smiled triumphantly and began smothering the toast in warm peanut-buttery goodness. She licked the peanut-butter off her finger and sat down at the table to eat. After a single bit however, exhaustion got the best of her and she collapsed facedown on the table, asleep. As she slept a soft thump could be heard as she slid off the chair and onto the floor, still asleep.

Before Deidara could respond to his question, Itachi heard a muffled thud coming from the kitchen. _Oh, great,_ he thought. He walked quickly toward the kitchen to see what was the matter.

When he arrived, he saw Amaterasu curled up in a ball on the floor, obviously fast asleep. He was about to leave her there, but realized that leaving her on the floor for a couple hours, while amusing, would make her stiff and sore for the mission tonight. Reluctantly, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her back to her bedroom, attracting a funny look from Deidara as he passed.

Ammy muttered a bit in her sleep and clung to Itatchi's cloak, burying her head against his chest.  
**"Nyaa~"** She sighed. She was comfortable and fast asleep.  
She'd finally managed to fall asleep without that weasel popping up every few minutes. It was peaceful.

Deidara didn't respond to Itachi's question. Instead, he reached and grabbed the remote as Itachi got up and turned to something else. He then saw from the corner of his eye, Itachi carrying Amaterasu. A snicker escaped and he bent down. It was unusual for Itachi to carry someone. Even if it was a fellow Akatsuki member. But instead of replying a smart remark he just started flipping channels again.

Itachi paused mid-step and looked down at Amaterasu. She was...snuggling with him..? This was, by far, the most awkward situation he had ever been in. He walked the rest of the way to her room and tried to drop her on the bed, but she was still clinging to him. "Get...the hell...OFF of me!" he burst out angrily, but she didn't let go.

Amaterasu grumbled and clung tighter, her fingernails sharpening and clinging to the fabric. In her dream she was curled up in the branches of a tree and the wind was threatening to blow her out of her safe, cozy tree. She whimpered softly, not realizing that she was threatening the life of Itachi's cloak at the moment.

Itachi sat down on her bed, wondering what on earth he was going to do. He winced slightly as her fingernails dug into him. "If you rip my cloak, I will rip you to shreds," he threatened before realizing that she couldn't hear a single word he was saying. None of his training as a shinobi had covered what to do in a situation such as this.

Deidara winced a little. A sudden chill came over him. He turned the television off and walked down the hallway. He passed all the rooms and headed outside. Once out there, he looked up at the sky. Nothing seemed to be wrong. He shrugged a little as he went back in. He then caught a glimpse at Itachi and Amaterasu. _'What a lovely couple...' _he smirked and continued his way into his room this time.

Amaterasu soon settled into his lap, comfortably curled up in her "tree". She slept for a good four hours, all the while muttering random things that sounded cheery and peaceful. She was unaware of her clinging to Itachi until she woke up. She shrieked loudly and tumbled off her bed.  
**"Wh-what are you doing in my bed?! With me?!"** She shuddered and made a gagging noise. **"Oh good goddess of the moon what did you do to me?!"**

"What did _I_ do to _you?_" It was like a blast from an icy freezer. "May I remind you that _you_ were the one who wouldn't let go of _me_?" He stood up. "I had to endure four and a half hours of your..._claws_ shredding my clothes to pieces. Look at this!!" He opened his cloak. Underneath, the shirt was torn. Bloody flesh was visible underneath. He walked toward her slowly. "You _will_ pay for this," he said, gritting his teeth.

Amaterasu stared after Itachi in shock. _Her_ clinging to _him?_ Never. He had to have used his sharingan on her or something. She got off the floor and decided to go take a shower to wash off the Itachi smell on her. She tossed her cloak onto her bed scowling. Why on earth would that blind bat thing she would want to cuddle with him? As for his scratches, he probably deserved them for whatever he did to her.

"Where in the _hell_ do you think you're going?" Itachi asked, blocking the door. "I said that you would pay for this, and, believe me, you _will_ pay." He activated his Sharingan.

Deidara saw Amaterasu walk one way after their 'conversation'. He closed his book and stood up. He then saw her again. He closed his eye and walked back into the living area. He jumped on the couch and crossed his legs. He also wondered where the others were._ 'Probably jumping off a cliff...'_ he said as he turned a channel.

Ammy froze. She knew she had to think fast or she'd never live to dream again. She slipped past Itatchi with her kekkei genkai and proceeded to run as fast as she possibly could. **"Deidara-senpai!!! HEEEEEELLPPPPPPPP!!!!"** She knew she was in for it now. If Itachi caught her...she didn't even want to think about it.

Deidara looked up and noticed Amaterasu running towards him. He stood up and grabbed her, while locking her in a hug.**"Ammy, what's wrong, un?"**he said as he thought it did have something to do with Itachi. He then looked down the hallway to see Itachi was following close behind.

Itachi was right behind her, easily matching her pace. "I don't know how you think you're going to win, Amaterasu-san," he said, almost neck and neck with her. "But if I wanted you dead, I would have killed you when you shrieked at me. You were an easy target then. But we have a mission in a couple hours, that, unfortunately, you are needed for." He wasn't even breaking a sweat.

She quickly hid behind Deidara, trembling. "Itachi. No sleep. Peanut butter. Comfy. Dreaming. Tree. He's gonna maim and or kill me!" She breathed out. She peeked around Deidara and saw Itachi. She let out a small squeak, hiding again. "Help me Dei-dei-san," she pleaded.

Deidara smirked a little as she hid behind her. **"Itachi, you know better than to use that, and of all places, here!"** he still had the smirk planted on. He then held out his hand and the mouth spitted out of clay. Deidara closed his hand and re-opened it. A small bird-like clay sculpture lay in the palm. He shouldn't use it but it would be funny it he did.

Ammy trembled behind Deidara. She was curled up sideways in the feta position muttering soothing thoughts to herself under her breath. She was terrified. She knew Itachi would kill her after their mission. Maybe even torture her.

Itachi reached behind Deidara and yanked Amaterasu toward him. He was about to perform Tsukuyomi, but stopped himself right before the full impact would have hit her. "I don't have time for this," he said, suddenly releasing her. "Go," he said. "I don't want to see you until 11:55 P.M. I'll be waiting at the main entrance." He turned around and walked toward his room.


	2. Chapter 2

Amaterasu was reduced to nothing more than a quivering pile of flesh and hair, curled up on the floor muttering and twitching occasionally for the next hour or so. She began to get a grip on herself around ten and got up to get ready. She didn't want Itachi even madder at her. She grabbed a quick snack and went to get dressed properly. Once she was ready she went to the front gates to meet up with Itachi.

"You're on time," Itachi observed in a monotone. He had changed his clothes. He now wore a gray shirt over his usual fishnet. He did not have his cloak or headband on.

"You were foolish enough to wear your cloak and headband, I see," he said. "This is a _stealth_ mission, the objective being _not_ to walk into Kirigakure and announce ourselves with a trumpet fanfare. Take them off."

Ammy grumbled and took off her headband then shrugged off her cloak. She scowled. Underneath she was wearing a tight black tank top and black shorts. She didn't like going on missions where she wasn't allowed to wear her cloak. She'd become attached to it. It was sort of her security blanket, more than a cloak. She sighed. "Where to now, Sherlock?"

Itachi could care less what she was wearing under her cloak. He wasn't the type to be distracted by external beauty. In fact, he was too busy ranting to pay much attention to anything else.

"Weren't you listening?" he said with a scowl. He had completely run out of patience today. "We're going to Kirigakure. They know a bit too much about us, and Leader-sama would like to know who's leaking secrets. It should be easy, since it's your old hometown."

Amaterasu scowled. She just spent several hours curled up in a quivering heap. Her attention span wasn't exactly at it's peak. [b]"Well sor-ry."[/b] She muttered sarcastically. This was going to be a very long night.

She nodded slightly as she listened to Itachi. Her old hometown? That struck a nerve. She didn't want to go back there under any circumstances. This was going to be a very, very long night. "Alright then, let's get going. The sooner we get this over with the better."

They travelled to Kirigakure by moonlight, not exchanging a word. Itachi was surprised at how well Amaterasu took the fact that they were going to Kirigakure; he had deliberately withheld this information until the last minute, fearing her reaction. She seemed to be a bit tougher than he had presumed.

Amaterasu sighed mentally. She hated the silence but kept her mouth shut; the last thing she needed was Itachi nagging her about speaking.

She swallowed hard as they approached the part of Kirigakure she'd grown up in. She really didn't want to be back here. Especially tonight. Tonight was the anniversary of the incident. She knew Itachi didn't know, and that it was just a coincidence, but she couldn't help but feel that she was being tormented by being sent to the place she hated most with the person she detested the most.

"We're here," Itachi said when they arrived on the village outskirts. "Transform yourself into someone inconspicuous."

He transformed into a short, blond boy who looked to be around 15. He watched as Amaterasu transformed.

Ammy sighed and transformed herself into a small blonde haired girl who looked to be about ten. She made herself look similar to Itachi's disguise. "This way people will just assume you're my older brother."

She stood close to him, although it made her want to gag. "So, do we have any leads Onii-san?"

Itachi winced mentally at hearing the once-familiar name. "Yes, I do have a couple leads, courtesy of Kisame. There's an inn along this road that has a shady disposition. Apparently Mist ANBU have been seen going in and out of there since around the time we were discovered. It's not far." He started walking down the dusty road, Amaterasu following him.

Ammy followed close behind him, careful not to stare too closely at the once familiar town. She couldn't bear to look at the homes of her former friends and comrades. She stared at the ground and swallowed hard. This mission was going to be harder than she thought.

Itachi noticed her obvious discomfort. He stopped abruptly. "Are your feelings for this place going to get in the way?" he asked. "Because I would rather turn back here than have you expose us."

Kirigakure ANBU were powerful, trained in the art of swift, silent killing. The last thing they needed was a group of them on their tail. If they were caught, aside from not stopping the information leak, they would not be able to return to the lair for months, possibly years if the ANBU were really persistent.

Ammy bumped into him from behind. She hadn't seen him stop. She shook her head and looked up at him. It looked rather strange, a ten-year-old with such a serious expression. "No. I'd rather we get this over with quickly, Onii-san. The sooner the better. My feelings will have to wait." She began to walk again. "Hurry up. We'll attract attention if we stand around here."

_What..?_ he thought. This didn't sound a thing like Amaterasu. _Maybe being back in her village....?_ he thought, confused. He hurried to catch up with her. "Imouto-chan," he said, "The inn is around the next corner. By the way, take this, in case we get separated." He held out a wireless communicator. "The range is five kilometers, but I doubt we'll have to worry about that."

Ammy nodded and tucked the communicator out of sight. As they approached the inn she held onto Itachi's hand. The more they looked like brother and sister the better. "So what's our story? In case we get stopped by someone?" She whispered. If someone suspected them they could be in big trouble.

"Of course," he said quietly. Her hand in his felt...weird. "We're Momo and Akira Tareku from the town outside of the village. Our parents are here on a business trip. That should suffice, right?" He dragged his "little sister" toward the inn, smiling uncharacteristically.

Ammy nodded. She didn't like holding onto Itachi's hand. It felt...weird. Ammy looked around the inn lobby, acting like a curious ten year-old should. It felt quite liberating acting half her age. Maybe she should act ten more often.

Itachi looked around. Most of the people here looked like perfectly normal people. However, there was one man who stuck out. He was alone, in the corner of the lobby, looking around as if... _As if he was meeting someone..._ Itachi thought. He gave Amaterasu's hand a squeeze and nodded in the man's direction.

Amaterasu glanced over at the man sitting at the table. He definitely was waiting for someone. She glanced over at the man every now and then while keeping up the pretense of a ten year old child.

The man sat there for what seemed like forever without moving. _Does he know he's being watched?_ Itachi wondered. He walked Amaterasu over to a table to wait. Fifteen minutes later, something finally happened. A man in a dark cloak stood by his side. They looked around, then went upstairs. Itachi stood up. "This is it," he said out of the corner of his mouth.

Ammy nodded and hopped off her chair. "Onii-san...." she whispered. She could easily change her form and spy on the two men, but she wasn't sure what Itachi's plan was. She stood close by him, her childish eyes staring in the direction the two men had gone.

"What's the limit of your kekkei-genkai?" Itachi asked softly. He had a couple sketchy plans thought out, but it all depended on the extent of Amaterasu's ability. He wondered if she actually could transform herself completely into something small and insignificant. If she could, that would make both their lives a lot easier. If she couldn't...well, there were other ways of spying.

Amaterasu glanced at him. Apparently they were on the same page. Good. "I can change my entire body shape, but only for about an hour. I haven't managed to stay changed much longer than that." she whispered. "We have to act quickly or we'll attract attention just standing here."

He nodded, once. "Um, excuse, me?" he said to an attendant. "Where's the bathroom?"

"On the second floor, all the way down the hall," he replied. _Perfect,_ Itachi thought.

"Come on, Imouto-chan."

Ammy gave a big childish smile. "Hai, Onii-sama." She giggled as she followed after him, stopping once they were out of earshot. "Turn on your communicator. I'll set the other one up inside the room to relay the information to you," she whispered. The blank, serious look had returned and it looked rather eerie on a child's face.

He nodded once. "I'll be in the bathroom," he said. "I'll meet you in the lobby after you've planted the device. Don't get caught. And if you do," he paused, praying silently that she wouldn't, "Scream as loud as you can and I'll come get you. But, no matter what happens, don't show your true form." He walked away, down the hall, holding the other wireless.

Amaterasu nodded, turning on her communicator. She'd noticed several rodents on their way to the inn and turned into a small mouse. She scurried quickly across the floor until she found where the two men had gone. She squeezed under the door and scurried out of sight from the two men, placing the communicator out of sight, but where it would pick up anything they said.

She scurried back to where Itachi was waiting for her and changed back after making sure no one was watching. "I've placed it out of their sight, but we'll still be able to hear them."

"Good job." Itachi rarely gave compliments, but this was one of the rare times he thought that one was appropriate. "That was faster than I had expected. You weren't seen, were you?" he asked quietly. He sat down at the table and turned on his communicator. He could hear the two men talking as if they were in the room with him.

"So, Ichi, they have not found you out, have they?" he could hear one saying. _Crap,_ he thought, _They're using code names!_ Still, he might be able to figure out who it is through other clues. "Of course not, Juu. I know their workings inside and out. But we'll have to find another place to meet soon. They'll probably send a spy soon." _Too late for that,_ Itachi thought triumphantly.

Amaterasu just nodded slightly when Itachi complimented her. "No, they didn't see me." She climbed up onto the chair, grunting softly. It was getting harder to keep up her disguise after changing. She sat, listening to the two men converse.

"The one voice sounds familiar," Itachi commented, "but I don't know where I've heard it before. It's certainly not a member, but no one else knows the things he's talking about." Itachi looked up at Amaterasu, concerned. She seemed fatigued. He motioned for the attendent. "Excuse me," he said, but do you have any vacancies?" The attendent led the two "siblings" to a room.

"This is the only room we have left. Is that okay?" Itachi looked at Amaterasu.

"I'll sleep on the floor," he said.

Amaterasu followed Itachi and the attendant, pouting like a tired child would. She nodded to Itachi. "This is fine." She climbed onto the bed too exhausted to change back. She knew that if she slept now, she would be haunted by the memories of her family, so she used her chakra to seal off her vocal cords, ensuring she wouldn't scream. She quickly fell asleep, and soon after her nightmares began.

A/N: Wow… long chapter is loooong. Sorry it took so long to put this up; I was sick+busy most of the time…  The next chapter will be out very soon. I was going to group them both together, but I had to break them up after seeing how loooong this was. It was more dramatic than my last chapter, too. Well, I'll see ya 'round!

~Sin~


	3. Author's Note

**Author's Note:**

I'm sorry, but I won't be continuing this story any longer. I've lost both the flow and the motivation. But rest assured, if you check my profile in a little while, there will be a new story there! It'll be another Itachi story, I think; it may switch back and forth between Itachi and Sasuke, and it'll be a little different from the last one. But be sure to look for it soon!

Thanks, and much love (and virtual cupcakes),

~Sin~


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